Do You Have Kids?

This is a very straight-forward question, and is often met with an equally straight-forward yes or no.  It's one of the most common questions asked when meeting someone for the first time, such as a new co-worker.

And yet.... for someone who is physically unable to have kids, and they would love to (or worse, they've miscarried or delivered a stillbirth!), this can be awkward and painful.

I don't want to nag you, especially since literally all of us (myself included) have asked this at some point in life.  However, I do want to suggest that when you meet someone for the first time - or, first few times - that you keep this question for later, when you know them better.

Chances are, as you get to know them, they will voluntarily mention whether they have kids, how many, details about them ("Jeremy is 7 and loves to play soccer..." or "Jenny is in pre-school and she's so artistic!").


For now, please try to stick to more neutral topics, such as hobbies, where they grew up, favorite animals, type of music, pet peeves, favorite celebrities, shows, etc.  You get the drill.  Thank you.





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On a side note, though I cannot have children and on some levels that saddens me, I also don't mind sharing why I don't have kids, when people ask.  Not having kids can have a lot of perks, such as more freedom and saving money.  I understand this question is asked without ill intent. 

Why Write This Blog?

Understandably, some of you have questions about the intimate content of this blog.  If you're reading it right now, you may be wondering why I would share something so personal, and frankly, so gross!

Is it to solicit sympathy?  No, not really.

Is it to garner attention from others?  Nah. I get enough of that, whether I want it or not.

Well, what then??



The reason I started this blog, was exactly because it's such an intimate, personal issue for a lot of women, to be diagnosed with fibroids and be facing a hysterectomy - which means permanent loss of fertility.  Even for a woman who already has children, this can be devastating to deal with.

I want my fellow females to know that, I understand your plight - your shame, your fears, everything you're going through, and that - essentially - we're in this together.  I'm just past the beginning stages of this journey (living with symptoms for upward of 2 years & getting diagnosed last month).  You may be much further ahead, possibly having had a hysterectomy in the years past... and maybe you can reach out to me and teach me more about it, and coach me along the way.  That would be much-appreciated. 

Image is from acelebrationofwomen.org and may be subject to copyright

I also want to point out that a hysterectomy is NOT your only option if you've been diagnosed with fibroids.  Depending on the nature of your symptoms, you could also ask your doctor (or your gynecologist, specifically) for another procedure which doesn't take away your fertility.  For example, if your fibroids are NOT causing you heavy menstrual bleeding, you could ask about:

• Ablation: Basically, the lining (endometrium) of your uterus is removed, which can lessen your menstrual bleeding if done correctly. It is typically done with laser, but can also be done by freezing (cryosurgery).  
• Medication: Though intended to be used short-term only, Cyklokapron is one of a family of medications called Tranexamic Acid, which helps the blood to clot naturally. It can cause side effects such as blood clots though, and also nausea which can affect daily activities. 
• Fibroid Removal: The surgeon can insert a camera through the cervix to identify the fibroids, and use tiny robotic arms (through tiny incisions) to remove only the fibroid myomas, while sparing the uterus.  However, there is a high likelihood of them returning within a few years and the procedure may need to be repeated.  There can also be heavy post-surgical bleeding in some rare cases. 
• Uterine Artery Embolization (UAE): This is a cardiovascular procedure in which a catheter is inserted in an artery in the thigh, and guided to the blood supply for the uterus, where small particles are delivered to "block" the blood supply from getting to the fibroids.  This of course can have adverse side effects. 

Ultimately, it's YOUR body and it's up to you (and only you) as to what procedure you are most comfortable with.  Make a plan with your doctor, and don't be embarrassed to bring a list of important questions, such as pros/cons of each procedure, recovery time, and which one is right for your specific symptoms. 

In my case, the bleeding is heavy enough to cause health problems which could realistically result in premature death, which is why I'm opting for the surgery.  If you are experiencing heavy menstrual bleeding and your doctor suggests a hysterectomy, don't poo-poo it just yet.  It just might save your life.  Remember to always keep the dialog open with your medical team. 

And that is why I started this blog of such an intimate nature... not only my story, but the story of what it's like to have fibroids and what can be done about it.  You're not alone.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and this blog is not intended to provide or replace medical advice.  Always check with your physician when you discover a health problem.

A Little Easter Egg About Cramps

Have you ever had excruciating cramps, where you've decided to stay in bed, maybe laying on your side with a heating pad?

Image from qoctor.com.au and may be subject to copyright

That seems like a really good idea... it allows you to rest, keeps you off your feet, and you can just focus on breathing...

But did you know: menstrual fluid (blood, mucus and other lining from the uterus) is made to leave the body, not only from cramping, but also from gravity?  It's simple and definitely makes you want to roll your eyes and say, "Well, duh!"  

Obviously, as soon as you sit up in bed in the morning, you can feel "the gush" - you may even notice your sheets have been soiled!

Anyway, this is relevant information because, if you're in an inverted position during your cramps, the abdominal muscles around your uterus will actually work harder (stronger cramps!) to push more blood out of your body - ouch!

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So how can you fix this? 

Well, personally, this took me a long, long time to figure out on my own.  My first instinct when my cramps got intense, was to lie down in bed, plug in the heating pad and watch TV.  Yeah sure it would give some very mild relief - but the cramps were still there. Sometimes I could be laying like that, still cramping, for upward of 4 hours... my husband questioned me, and said that whenever we were out & about together during my time of the month, I didn't complain about the intensity of my pain as much as when I was laying down.  He actually made sense - my cramps truly did feel worse when I wasn't upright! 

After some research about the cause of menstrual cramps (and alternative relief, such as yoga), I was enlightened to find out that when we're in a position where our menstrual fluid cannot just "flow out" onto the pad (or, into the Diva Cup, etc.) with gravity, we will feel more intense cramping. Which means we, as women, have power to change that 😍


Next time you're tempted to lay back down in bed, or on the couch (c-ouch), challenge yourself to get up and walk around your home for just 10 minutes.  If you can handle that okay, try for 20 minutes.  If you think you can do it, go outside for a brief walk around the block... you may be surprised to find that light physical activity is better for the muscles around your uterus, than laying down.  It's totally okay if you don't believe me... after all, I'm not trying to sound preachy.  I only suggest that you try this and compare how you feel. 

If you're worried about bad cramps keeping (or waking!) you up, take a pain relief medicine about 30 minutes before sleeping.

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Caveat:  If you find your cramps are so intense that they interfere with your ability to complete daily tasks, going to work, if they cause you a fever, chills, or nausea/vomiting, then you should seek prompt medical advice!  It's never a bad idea to visit an ER if you're in too much pain to stand straight or do a simple task like take a shower or do light housework.  If it turns out you have something like endometriosis (lining on the outside of your uterus), it would be a relief to start getting that condition treated. 

And I've Decided...

On Saturday, September 28 of this year, I began this blog after receiving a diagnosis that was both shocking and expected...

It left me startled, but also comforted to know there was a legitimate reason for my bizarre symptoms.  I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids.  There's still so much for me to learn about this condition, as well as the process of a hysterectomy.

And that's what this post is about...

After some waffling back & forth with pros & cons, I've decided to go ahead and have a hysterectomy.  A decision of this magnitude is certainly not an easy one to make.  Though we had no distinct plans to have kids, I also wasn't planning on finalizing the inability to have them.  I'm also nervous as hell about recovery - I recall my mother having a rough recovery from her hysterectomy back in the mid 1990s... although there is nothing to indicate that this surgery would be similar to hers, being that they're in different hospitals by different doctors, about 23 years apart.

Though I worry about things like:

• "how long will I be bed-ridden?"
• "will it be very painful?"
• "will I have serious complications?"
• "how long before Rob & I can be romantically intimate again?"
• "will my husband resent me after awhile/if I'm taking too long?"
• "what about time off work?"
• "what about all the housework?"

...and numerous other things (the above is just the tip of the iceberg), I realize that the alternative is much worse.  If I don't eventually address this condition by following my doctor's advice, and removing the offending uterus, then I will keep having the horrid symptoms AND they will only get worse over time!  

Understandably, I tried to rationalize this and I tried to create excuses to not have surgery... but I knew what my psyche was trying to do, and the logical part of me knew that I would only continue to suffer if I don't just deal with this, and just do it. 

Anyway, I did write down some pros & cons in my notebook during the weeks of thinking and making this important decision.  I must've talked my poor husband's ears off with this topic! I'll start with the "worst first" and save the best for last:

Cons of Having a Hysterectomy:

• I am worried about length of recovery time. For instance, I don't know how long to pack for my hospital stay, or if I'll have many visitors, or if they'll be complications that lengthen my recovery time...
• Which also means, I'm worried about how much time off work I'll need, and whether I'll be expected to go back early (while still healing), and how I'll get housework like laundry & dishes, etc. done - my husband may need his mother to do our laundry for awhile...?
• Which also means, who the heck will make our meals?  Should we ask his mother to help us with pre-made/ready to eat meals?  Or should we order in from Skip the Dishes?  
• And for at least six weeks, I won't be able to be romantically intimate due to risk of injury inside my body.  This will drive me crazy with worry that Rob will resent me... I don't want to be replaced of course!  This is a fear that likely affects every woman who has had to have this procedure and needed her husband to be very patient and celibate with her. 
• Something that saddens me a lot, personally, is that I'd have to wait AT MINIMUM six weeks before I can enjoy a bubble bath or hot tub.  Those are literally two of my very favorite things and I will miss them dearly.  I'll have to enjoy my showers then (not that way)!
• Fear of pain - from what I remember from watching my mother recover, she had a lot of pain around the lower abdomen, top of vagina and lower back/bowel area... probably similar to cramps.  I don't remember how many days or weeks that lasted. I just hope it's short-lived pain, especially if it feels anything like cramps!  Due to post-surgical bleeding, I won't be able to use a heating pad to soothe it. 
• Speaking of which - the primary reason I'm going ahead with this surgery, is to ensure I stop bleeding so heavily each month.  I'm worried I may end up with excessive/heavy post-surgical bleeding and have to go to the ER.  That would be ironic, but is a possibility.
• There's also a fear of possible infection, which isn't super uncommon after surgeries. I just hope it's caught and treated right away to prevent further complications.
• This may sound babyish, but I hope I don't end up with stomach woes such as nausea & vomiting... it's highly unlikely, of course.  I'm thinking it may be a side effect of the drugs used such as by the anesthesiologist, and/or the pain relief meds or anti-biotics.  I don't like the idea of the strain of throwing up while I have stitches in my body. 
• One thing that may be totally relatable among women who've had hysterectomies: I won't feel like a "normal woman" anymore when I have no more period to talk about with other women at work.  As women, no matter our walk of life, that's something we can all relate on. 
• Though I really hope this is not the case... my vagina may end up destroyed if they decide to do a vaginal hysterectomy, and not only do I not want that medical issue, it would also really impede the ability to be romantically intimate.  That is truthfully one of my biggest concerns about going forward with this procedure. 
• If it is done abdominally instead, though this isn't really that big of a deal, I'm slightly concerned about scarring. I'd still wear a bikini, but there'd always be questions from nosey & judgmental strangers. 
• I'll truthfully feel useless if I'm just laying around in bed, instead of doing my usual housework routines.  Even if I'm truly in pain, I don't want Rob to see me as taking advantage of the situation to play "Ferris Bueller".  I mean, I'd legitimately feel guilty letting our home go to pot.  Not sure if I should hire a cleaner for a short time, or ask Rob's mother to come over?  I guess we'll figure that out when the time comes. 

Pros of Having a Hysterectomy:

• The obvious one - NO MORE FIBROID SYMPTOMS! This means no more heavy bleeding/excruciating cramps - yay!
• In so doing, I'll save probably hundreds upon hundreds of dollars on pads & tampons; thankfully, one less person menstruating is also better for the environment/landfills. 
• No more messes - no more ruined underwear, stained sheets, unpleasant surprises, embarrassing moments while swimming, or anything else of the like. 
• A new found sense of freedom - freedom from preparing for "that week" every month, freedom from cramps, and of course freedom from having kids.
• Although kids are pretty great - there's no more chance of an accidental pregnancy. 
• Which means there's no more "week off" - we can get intimate whenever we fancy!
• I can swim without having to make sure I'm wearing a tampon first... and not have to worry about being subtle with pads in a change room stall so I don't get period-shamed by other women.
• Not having to deal with those annoyingly sticky pads ("accidental bikini wax!") anymore. 
• Likely to reduce my bloating (caused by protruding uterus), which in turn will feel more comfortable, make jeans easier to wear and will [hopefully] make me look better. 
• It's a possibility it could reduce my IBS symptoms, such as gas, cramps, bloating, bathroom urgency, mild nausea, etc. 
• When I'm no longer bleeding so heavily, I'll recover from being borderline anemic - and won't need to take any more iron supplements. 
• Can't believe I didn't mention this earlier... but one of the BEST PARTS would be having no more of those hellish cramps! It feels like a garden gnome is jumping up & down on my belly!
• I'll save a lot of money on Cyklokapron - though it's great that it keeps me from losing too much of my blood supply, it does retail for about $135 - thankfully I'm on my spouse's medical plan which brought it down significantly, but still... 
• There is at least a possibility that I'll feel less irritable/moody... though I'll probably still have my ovaries, which means I'll still have PMS symptoms, I believe I'd be less moody when I'm not in constant pain for a week. 
• Though I'm not sure [yet], I suspect sex may be better 😊 There'd be no fear of pregnancy, no birth control interference, my bloated belly shouldn't be getting in the way, there shouldn't be any pain with intercourse [anymore] once I've properly healed. I may even have a sexier mood and be more of a vixen... I sure hope so, anyway!

So there is it, folks.  Looks like there's about 13 cons and 15 pros, so it's pretty close.  Now you can see why it took me so long to waffle over this decision. 

Disclaimer: You may have noticed, especially in the "cons" section, that I appear to be deferring responsibility from Rob with regards to doing housework around here.  I can see a lot of my fellow women saying, "WTF?"

I'd like to point out that, although he verbally offered to help out, he does already work two jobs, one of which begins at 5am!  Also, doing a slew of chores isn't really his forte.  He does care enough to offer, but for his sake, it makes more sense for us to find an alternative that doesn't have him overworked. 

Introduction - Part 2

"You've got fibroids." 

It was said so casually, I almost didn't believe it.  Don't get me wrong - our family doctor is absolutely amazing with us; he just happens to be very frank & direct.  Prior to this follow-up consultation, I had my suspicions.  For instance, I noticed during the ultrasound that the technician was noticing something by the way she looked at the screen and seemed very silent.

Also, in about 1996, my mother was diagnosed with fibroids (similar symptoms to what I later experienced); she did end up having a hysterectomy. I vaguely recall her recovery time - she was in the hospital maybe about 5 days - there'd been some minor complications with her IV.  As a 9 or 10 year-old-kid, I never really thought this would happen to me someday.  (If memory serves correct, my grandmother had one in the 70s or 80s, but the procedure would've been quite different then, than it is nowadays).

Anyway, I'd been doing a little bit of research as to what could possibly be causing my horrid menstrual symptoms... so when it was confirmed that I do indeed have fibroids, it made sense.  And yet, a big part of me hoped it wasn't true.  Two sides of one coin, I suppose...


The whole conversation during the follow-up appointment lasted maybe 5 minutes.  The doctor came into the room & greeted me, then sat at his desk and called up my file on his computer.  He had a printout with him from the technician, with a confirmation that I not only have several fibroids, but they are different types.

Subserosal: Grows on the outside wall of the uterus; often causes no symptoms when small, but can grow large enough to cause interference to surrounding organs (which could explain my IBS symptoms).

Fundal: Just means the top of the uterus.  Anterior just means frontal, and lateral means to the side.

Pedunculated: Having grown a bit of a stalk.

Intramural: Grows within the actual wall (not the lining) of the uterus; can distort the uterine cavity, which in turn may prevent or end a pregnancy (I was told by the doctor that the chance of a pregnancy is not likely, for this reason). Though I was not diagnosed with one, a submucosal fibroid would be even worse for fertility!

Image from Azuravascularcare.com and is subject to copyright

Aside from the technical descriptions above (which I looked up BTW, I'm not this knowledgeable on my own), basically my uterus is riddled with non-cancerous growths, but they still impede the ability to become pregnant - and they cause a great deal of menstrual issues, as well as some IBS symptoms!

I drew this in May 2017 during my Kawaii365 project.

So after he confirmed the fibroids, he told me it's highly unlikely I'd be able to carry a pregnancy anyway, so to stop the [potentially fatal!] bleeding long-term, he suggested I go forward with a hysterectomy.  This was all a lot of information to take in...  

Trying to sound brave, I asked, "Well, is there any medication or hormonal treatment, like maybe birth control pills?"  He hesitated briefly, then looked at my file and saw that when I went to the ER a couple of years ago, I had been given Cyklokapron to help stop the bleeding and prevent complications such as anemia.  So he gave me a prescription for more. 

So now, just during the week (or more) than I'm bleeding, I'm to take 3 of the pills per day, along with iron supplements to get my levels back up so I don't end up anemic.  This is a great short-term approach, but those pills are very expensive, and cause stomach upset as a side-effect.  So I've made a tough decision...

Tune in later to learn more about this decision.

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Though this blog is not intended to provide - nor replace - medical advice, I would like to suggest that if you find you're experiencing heavy (or heavier than usual) menstrual bleeding, excessive spotting, periods lasting longer than 1 week, or any flow or pain that interferes with your daily activities, that you seek medical advice immediately.  This may mean a walk-in clinic or even an ER. If I hadn't taken this seriously, it could've eventually cost me my life, and so you should take your uterine health very seriously.